see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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