Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
