Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
