It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
