If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
