apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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