so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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