ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
