after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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