Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
