You're my little dorito
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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