I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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