you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
