I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
