you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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