What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
