"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
