He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
