I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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