Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
