I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
