tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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