Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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