Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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