I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
