Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
