I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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