I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
