I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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