A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
