i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
