Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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