the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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