I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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