then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
