I can tuck mytits in my pants
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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