so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
