I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
