Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
