The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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