Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
