"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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