I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
