I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
