Texts From Last Night · briiannaa's Favorites

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briiannaa's Favorites Texts:

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.

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(443): View more from Maryland

her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

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(303): View more from Colorado

She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"

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(561): View more from Florida

Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...

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(416): View more from Toronto

i flashed his best friends last night

(1-416): View more from Toronto

you always were good at making good first impressions

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(201): View more from New Jersey

your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night

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(810): View more from Michigan

Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium

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(419): View more from Ohio

I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?

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(214): View more from Texas

Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

no, he came in my armpit

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(925): View more from California

She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.

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(510): View more from California

i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.

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(716): View more from New York

i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis

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(865): View more from Tennessee

you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?

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(480): View more from Arizona

too bad you live with your parents still

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(919): View more from North Carolina

my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.

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(240): View more from Maryland

He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...

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(605): View more from South Dakota

We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.

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(906): View more from Michigan

didnt we say no more talking to eachother

(906): View more from Michigan

it will help you get over me i promise

(414): View more from Wisconsin

im horny

(906): View more from Michigan

ok i will unlock the door

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(512): View more from Texas

My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house

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(858): View more from California

God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext

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(816): View more from Missouri

That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

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(507): View more from Minnesota

She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...

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(708): View more from Illinois

youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

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(785): View more from Kansas

I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"

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(248): View more from Michigan

i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

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(909): View more from California

The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention

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(916): View more from California

I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...

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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

(571): View more from Virginia

Fuck you.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship

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(330): View more from Ohio

We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.

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(773): View more from Illinois

he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.

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(620): View more from Kansas

I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

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(313): View more from Michigan

remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

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(574): View more from Indiana

all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?

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(502): View more from Kentucky

update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.

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(801): View more from Utah

He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

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(917): View more from New York City

you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit

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(239): View more from Florida

I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

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(913): View more from Kansas

i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"

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(573): View more from Missouri

dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

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(515): View more from Iowa

I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.

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(214): View more from Texas

I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad

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(609): View more from New Jersey

and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.

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(315): View more from New York

I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?

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(503): View more from Oregon

He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

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(205): View more from Alabama

After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

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(772): View more from Florida

The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.

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(289): View more from Ontario

he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went

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(303): View more from Colorado

you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you

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(614): View more from Ohio

My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..

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(541): View more from Oregon

I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?

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(647): View more from Ontario

I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS

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(571): View more from Virginia

i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things

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(231): View more from Michigan

I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!

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(612): View more from Minnesota

he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...

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(914): View more from New York

Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

(914): View more from New York

Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..

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(517): View more from Michigan

if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

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(910): View more from North Carolina

It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.

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(757): View more from Virginia

you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.

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(434): View more from Virginia

He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job

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(330): View more from Ohio

Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

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(254): View more from Texas

it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

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(330): View more from Ohio

so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

(216): View more from Ohio

i hate you

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(828): View more from North Carolina

That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library

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(386): View more from Florida

smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Best. Handjob. Ever.

(905): View more from Ontario

I'm guessing Kelly is over?

(416): View more from Toronto

Nope. Home alone.

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(714): View more from California

My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.

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(226): View more from Ontario

I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.

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(727): View more from Florida

hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.

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(514): View more from Quebec

It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

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(512): View more from Texas

You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition

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(256): View more from Alabama

I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.

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(720): View more from Colorado

She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

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(520): View more from Arizona

So you had sex with my brother?

(1-520): View more from Arizona

It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.

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(512): View more from Texas

the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club

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(816): View more from Missouri

It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"

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(256): View more from Alabama

FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

He just wants an even tan

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(219): View more from Indiana

I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.

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(514): View more from Quebec

please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...

(1-514): View more from Quebec

Does an alley count?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together

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(702): View more from Nevada

she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.

(702): View more from Nevada

now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"

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(913): View more from Kansas

Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

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(512): View more from Texas

i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving

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(630): View more from Illinois

I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat

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(410): View more from Maryland

She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

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(716): View more from New York

just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.

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(410): View more from Maryland

She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

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(740): View more from Ohio

There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"

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(949): View more from California

hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk

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(850): View more from Florida

I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30

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(727): View more from Florida

i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls

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(513): View more from Ohio

He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him

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(631): View more from New York

She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.

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(616): View more from Michigan

There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.

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(845): View more from New York

The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.

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(940): View more from Texas

Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night

(1-940): View more from Texas

I don't have a cat..?

(940): View more from Texas

Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.

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(407): View more from Florida

we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

there were a lot.

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(802): View more from Vermont

i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

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(404): View more from Georgia

His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just found puke in my bra..

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(408): View more from California

if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place

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(406): View more from Montana

she pinky promised me she was 18

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

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(504): View more from Louisiana

i came on her dog

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(281): View more from Texas

She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

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(818): View more from California

I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

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(231): View more from Michigan

So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?

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(941): View more from Florida

CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

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(813): View more from Florida

Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?

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(740): View more from Ohio

I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

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(303): View more from Colorado

those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.

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(770): View more from Georgia

it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there

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(970): View more from Colorado

If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

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(515): View more from Iowa

theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

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(402): View more from Nebraska

her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.

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(805): View more from California

He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.

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(775): View more from Nevada

i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"

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(607): View more from New York

Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

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(512): View more from Texas

He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

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(630): View more from Illinois

She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.

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(816): View more from Missouri

we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me

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(770): View more from Georgia

She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter

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(708): View more from Illinois

Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on

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(850): View more from Florida

my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?

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(703): View more from Virginia

you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

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(208): View more from Idaho

he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

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(708): View more from Illinois

He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

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(224): View more from Illinois

get to allyx's house asap

(312): View more from Illinois

Ok is everything ok

(224): View more from Illinois

Yeah, theres just lesbians

(312): View more from Illinois

omg yes on my way

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(562): View more from California

cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

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(203): View more from Connecticut

we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint

(203): View more from Connecticut

i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you

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(713): View more from Texas

We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

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(408): View more from California

i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

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(845): View more from New York

Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went

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(614): View more from Ohio

yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

and what did he say?

(614): View more from Ohio

there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.

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(+54): View more from

My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed

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(718): View more from New York

you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.

(917): View more from New York City

i told you we never speak of that again

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way

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(443): View more from Maryland

Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.

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(214): View more from Texas

things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's

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(646): View more from New York

But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

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(813): View more from Florida

my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

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(716): View more from New York

kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year

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(702): View more from Nevada

What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs

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(207): View more from Maine

He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.

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(703): View more from Virginia

But I thought everyone had breakup sex?

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(314): View more from Missouri

I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.

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