So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
