I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
