I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
