dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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