Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your penis caused this!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
